Good morning,My name’s Trish and I’m an expat [sound nearly like an AA confession, but might be even worse]. I’m writing, because I literally feel like my life’s completely out my control. None of methods I recently tried seems to give me even a sparkle of hope to change the way I feel so as I run out of options, I’m looking for help here. I’m former academic [psychology], thus I really tried to do whatever’s possible to reduce unpleasant experiences of culture shock etc. Although my knowledge seems to be useless, as well as all the previous attempts to make myself feel better. And still, here I am. Drowning in feelings of lost and solitude.
Not even a half year before I moved from Europe. I came to US due to scientific purposes, however in the meantime I meet my current husband. The decision was made after few months we know each other, but I didn’t have doubts; I wasn’t satisfied with many aspects of my previous life, thus it occurred as a great big-change opportunity
Shortly I start to feel homesick. Not a surprise, I was pretty sure we could deal with it. Unfortunately it was an illusions an from this point I’m feeling worse everyday. Like falling deeper and deeper, without seeing the button, thus without hope for recovery.
Don’t get me wrong; my husband’s is a really good person. I have no reasons to blame him or his family [nobody was impolite for me; quite the opposite] for what’s happening with me. But somehow I can’t be good for him. I’m becoming more and more bitter, depressed, feeling isolated. While he enjoys most of home-activities, I’m getting more and more mean, frustrated, nervous, feeling I can’t stand it anymore. What’s wrong with me? What can I do to step out of the circle?
Just for the record, multiple times I was trying to make any social connections, which remains difficult just due to my status [I cannot work or even volunteer in US during at least year after I moved ]. I can’t get rid of ridiculous feelings of loneliness. Unfortunately, the worse it gets, the more health problems I’m experiencing, such as sleeping, eating disorders and basically most of psychosomatics.And there is literally nobody I can speak with. Yes, with my husband we had numerous conversations about those things, however none of them seem to be conclusive . He’s feeling good with staying in home, cooking, occasionally walking through neighborhood, monitoring trash services and playing video games. I’m feeling like I’m chocking. In my previous life, my lifestyle was highly social-saturated [sometimes I had 3 different jobs at the same time and was doing my phd simultaneously ] and to say I feel alone is just a tip of an iceberg. I just miss everything I used to have so much… I doubt there is a proper way to express it ?? The problem in this case is not a particular element of life I could try to modify. Obviously, I do miss my work [even imperfect], colleagues, friends, language I was able to fully express myself… But that’s not the key.In this case it is the entire picture that feels wrong, inappropriate and solitude. I can’t stop thinking about it, one thing leads to another, I became more and more bitter, isolated, sad… What’s wrong with myself? How to start living again? What am I doing wrong? I’m mentally exhausted, overwhelmed and feel like I can’t take it anymore.
Please don’t tell me I should revise decisions I’ve already made, simply because I do not regret. It’s extremely hard and feels bad by all the means, but I’m not going to wrote that I don’t love him or it was a mistake. I just don’t know how not to waste this sacrifice.
I’ll be thankful for any advice.
Not even a half year before I moved from Europe. I came to US due to scientific purposes, however in the meantime I meet my current husband. The decision was made after few months we know each other, but I didn’t have doubts; I wasn’t satisfied with many aspects of my previous life, thus it occurred as a great big-change opportunity
Shortly I start to feel homesick. Not a surprise, I was pretty sure we could deal with it. Unfortunately it was an illusions an from this point I’m feeling worse everyday. Like falling deeper and deeper, without seeing the button, thus without hope for recovery.
Don’t get me wrong; my husband’s is a really good person. I have no reasons to blame him or his family [nobody was impolite for me; quite the opposite] for what’s happening with me. But somehow I can’t be good for him. I’m becoming more and more bitter, depressed, feeling isolated. While he enjoys most of home-activities, I’m getting more and more mean, frustrated, nervous, feeling I can’t stand it anymore. What’s wrong with me? What can I do to step out of the circle?
Just for the record, multiple times I was trying to make any social connections, which remains difficult just due to my status [I cannot work or even volunteer in US during at least year after I moved ]. I can’t get rid of ridiculous feelings of loneliness. Unfortunately, the worse it gets, the more health problems I’m experiencing, such as sleeping, eating disorders and basically most of psychosomatics.And there is literally nobody I can speak with. Yes, with my husband we had numerous conversations about those things, however none of them seem to be conclusive . He’s feeling good with staying in home, cooking, occasionally walking through neighborhood, monitoring trash services and playing video games. I’m feeling like I’m chocking. In my previous life, my lifestyle was highly social-saturated [sometimes I had 3 different jobs at the same time and was doing my phd simultaneously ] and to say I feel alone is just a tip of an iceberg. I just miss everything I used to have so much… I doubt there is a proper way to express it ?? The problem in this case is not a particular element of life I could try to modify. Obviously, I do miss my work [even imperfect], colleagues, friends, language I was able to fully express myself… But that’s not the key.In this case it is the entire picture that feels wrong, inappropriate and solitude. I can’t stop thinking about it, one thing leads to another, I became more and more bitter, isolated, sad… What’s wrong with myself? How to start living again? What am I doing wrong? I’m mentally exhausted, overwhelmed and feel like I can’t take it anymore.
Please don’t tell me I should revise decisions I’ve already made, simply because I do not regret. It’s extremely hard and feels bad by all the means, but I’m not going to wrote that I don’t love him or it was a mistake. I just don’t know how not to waste this sacrifice.
I’ll be thankful for any advice.
