Expat Community > Philippines

BertelBertelsen
Joined 2016
Posts: 251

Family ties

8 years ago

Family ties you in the Philippines! It ties you sometimes down and sometimes up. I had two different experiences over the last 10 years. My first wife had a great family. They were really open to me. Helping me with learning the language or explaining why something was done like the way they were doing it.
They also were very good in NOT asking money. So it was easier for me to give something when I wanted to. They would of course come with business ideas. And if I would say no, they would not repeat the idea again. And mostly when it came to business I would lend them the money and I wanted them to come with a small business plan(who ,where ,why ,how) so they would think more before starting it.
I would support them if there was flooding and they would be really great full. When they would visit Davao they would right away start cleaning the house and doing the garden. And they would always bring crabs, shrimps or some special lemons (biason) that I would like.
After me and my wife separated we stayed in contact for 2 years. So I know the contact was real. They stopped coming when my present wife became pregnant but that is understandable.
But with my present girlfriend I almost had immediately problems. Espescially with her mother and her mothers side. From almost moment one they were begging for stuff. Didn’t want to help out, just wanted to sit in the house and lounge and watching tv. Which is ok if she wouldn’t be so bitchy.
She would complain to me of working too hard or not giving her enough money to gamble away. I would let it go in one ear and go out the next. Cause you don’t want to piss of your mother in law. But after nine months of verbal abuse the straw broke. The moment it broke was when her mother started threatening me and her daughter. She threatened her daughter for living with a married man( I am legally separated but it takes a while to get an annulment over here) and that she could go to jail for that (which is true).
So I took a risky move and said that her mother was no longer welcome any more. My girlfriend was pretty happy with that cause she also doesn’t like here mother(but family ties are strong). I did not say that my girlfriend (whom I have 2 children with) was not allowed to see her mother any more.
But over the last two years it gave me a lot of freedom when she would go to visit her mother. She goes around 10 times a year which is not much for this place. Her father ( which is a good guy) still visits our house and does the garden or helps with some chores around the house. I think he also uses our place to escape his wife. Also her sisters and brother still hang out over here. Not so much but they know they are always welcome. All the family from her fathers side agrees with me that I put my foot down against her mother.
So a risky move at the time which could have backfired like crazy on me gave me the respect of the rest of the family. And it created an oasis for the people that have to live with my mother in law.
So guys? Any crazy family stories over here as well?

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